Alzheimer's

My mother has Alzheimer’s but she still knows who I am. Sometimes I wish she didn’t. Just before Christmas my younger sister video messaged me while she was with mum. I was in Strasbourg at the time and was slightly disconcerted by how intently mum was staring at me.

She said, “Oh that’s what you look like”.

Later, I debriefed with my husband who had also seen mum. I asked him, “Did you see how she was looking at me?” And he said “Yes, like you were her child”.

I said that I felt like she was looking at me like my face was overlaid with a grid pattern and she was observing each square separately, in order to draw me to scale on her memory.

And I feared that my wish she would forget my face was coming true.

Deborah Nicholson